I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
