When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I forgot wine drunk hurts
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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