i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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