I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
