I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
