so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
