The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
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Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
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Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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