On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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