broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
whose parrot is this?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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