idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm too high and old for this...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
