I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
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Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
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Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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