someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
