): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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