i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
