the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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