With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
