I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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