Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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