I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
