I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
