I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
