so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
