hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
