It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
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There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
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There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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