Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize