i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
