she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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