your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Never let your siblings swipe right.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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