i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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