I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
