I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
