My pussy is not your playground.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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