Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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