I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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