Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
