Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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