so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
