oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
