She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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