did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
