I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
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