she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
of course. lets lasso hookers.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
