So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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