i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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