I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
