as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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