I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
