I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
