Dual....:-)
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
