I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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