Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
