I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
