Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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