but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
