I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
