a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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