VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
