I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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