oh god the rape fog is back!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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