Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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