A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
