barbara walters just said penis...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
