she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
