It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
