Kiss
Puke
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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