My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
